Tuesday, April 3, 2018

Depressed

Hello April! It's going to be a month till i finish my internship! A lot will say wahh so fast, but to me is quite slow . I feel like i'm dragging myself every day going to the office trying to put up a different mask than what i usually wear. 

So a few days before i start my internship, i felt really nauseous, weak and no appetite to eat anything at all. I went to do a body screening test to see what's wrong with me and it turn out that i'm low in red blood cell and i have a lot of stomach wind from not eating anything. Thing started improving after i start my internship because it's Chinese New Year man! you should be happy! everyone is happy, food is great. 

But things start to fall apart right after that. Being in a small company where your boss is opposite where you sat, your colleague is closely related to him, and there's only three of them. I meet them everyday, I am a very introvert person, i like to do things alone, and most probably be very glad and grateful if you just leave me alone and let me do whatever stuff you want me to do. 
but i was trained to talk, to present, to reply, to answer, to think, to be challenged as well.
I find this a phobia, because, like i said, i am a very introvert person. 

I don't talk much, i have speech problem, i stammer. 


So this is a challenge. 
And being bullied badly before back in secondary school had lead me to be very self conscious all the time. Like i will REALLY care what you said to me and i will SELF BLAME myself. I will feel like i am not doing a good job, i feel useless, 
and therefore all these negative thoughts clouding over me, 
all these worry-a-lot situation put me into this state whereby i cannot find pleasure in eating or going out anymore. 

Consuming food is a challenge. 
I am literally force feeding myself because i know my body needs food to go on.  it has been weeks since a good dinner. 

One of my course mate talked to me on how she too, cannot get to eat because of stress and fear. 
I totally agree on her statement that FEAR consumes everything. Is not that i am stressing because there is hardly any workload given but i am stressing to be a different person everyday. I am IN FEAR of what they think of me and judge me for my incapability. 

this is a learning process. I KNOW, you don't have to tell me, you don't have to remind me, all these things i know very well. 
But can someone control how they feel. How many times i had blocked it but ended up feeling overwhelm and felt like throwing up after that. 
The panic attack is real. 
Not to mention, i had panic disorder a few years back and i DO NOT want it to come back again. 

Sometime i really hope for someone to help me. 
I need help.
i need professional help that can hear me out instead of my boyfriend constantly telling me "don't get depression, is not good, be healthy, you have a business to run after that."
Like as if people who get depression ask for it?!
nobody ask to get depression. 

NOBODY.

I know i am very much lucky as compared to my other coursemates where they are reprimanded for every single thing they do. Whereby they have to work 6 days a week and long working hours as well. I am so so lucky as compared to them. 
and then i realise, maybe i am the only intern in my company. it feels a bit better when someone is going through the same process as you in one company. I think i enjoyed a little during pre-production week where there are a few freelancers coming in and they were a few years older than me where i can chat and make friends with them. there wasn't any "hierarchy" between us and it feels so much at ease. 
now, is , just, me

This is the longest period in my life, there are so many time i wish i can runaway and focus entirely on my shop business but i know i can't. I need that DEGREE. 
 i am wishing that it will end soon. 


xoxo
Ann
ps: 30 days left










Sunday, February 11, 2018

Staying in KL alone

I had always wanted to stay alone and had my own little room but i didn't expect it'll happen so soon. I'm thinking if i'm ready for it or not. 
Yes, i finally got my internship after weeks of worrying. I got into a production company and the office is ah-mazing. The boss, the colleagues are very friendly and i had a nice little table with me on my own working alongside with all of them. It's only 3km away from where i rented so driving to there seem easier. 


This is my cosy corner, i purposely went to kaison to buy the grill bar again because it is sooo instagrammable. i came across this tropical leaf carpet and bought it at once without thinking. the table is just temporary because i haven't got any much space to carry the big table with me yet. 

 I've decorated the walls from my bed so that every morning i wake up, i can see these amazing faces of my family and boyfriend. Unfortunately i really need a stronger tape because the fairy lights dropped down so many time. aiish
by the way, i've already felt the loneliness so hard because i'm staying with strangers. I do not know any of them and their dogs scares me. Practically the only space i have is my room which fortunately is pretty big (can sleep at least four people in here ) 

 Boyfie came down to sent me off too together with my parents. I teared up when we bid goodbye although i know is insanely crazy to tear up because in another two days i be coming back for CNY. haha, 
i just felt the sudden rush of loneliness, i never know i hated loneliness because i always like to do things alone. so this i how loneliness feel like. Is like you didn't even want to go out because you be eating alone in this strange new world. 


not to mention, my parents are awfully worried because my housemates are mostly male, the dogs are really fierce, i'm staying alone, i had to drive, my work sometime requires me to stay up for 24 hours. 
But it'll be 3 months. I tell myself, it's a challenge, it is something to face when you are growing up. 

Not only that, i am also nervous because tomorrow my parents are going to take my medical report for me. I've been getting really nauseated and my panic attack keep coming in frequent each time i force myself to eat. I can't eat. I don't know what's wrong with me. I feel nauseous (note, that i am not pregnant, lol) my heart will beat fast and i starts to hyperventilate if i eat more than just a little bit. 
I felt there is something wrong with my body
i'm worried 
hope all is well

xoxo
Ann 

Tuesday, November 28, 2017

Adult-ish

Just got back from my intern interview. I'm not going to tell where but well, it didn't go well but, mistakes are tend to be learnt from. 

On the other hand, i must say i am PROUD of myself for getting through it alone without my parent's accompaniment this time. For the first time i felt grown up, excited yet scared. I didn't go alone though, but i went with my other friends who were called up for the interview too. 

It was a comfortable trip there, the hotel is the best! they not only free upgrade us to a family room but also gave us free breakfast just by liking and sharing their facebook page. For a budget hotel, i didn't expect any 3 stars service but they even ask if we need grab car or anything, they had printing service, dobby service, internet service, a game section and also 24 hrs free coffee, tea and soya bean to drink. 

Okay, i can't control myself from promoting this hotel, but here's the name of the hotel

ONE AVENUE HOTEL

Alright, back to my rant. I'm home now, suppose to study for my Thursday mid term exam but hell i need to "REWARD" myself with some chilling videos for traveling so far to an interview haha. 
not to mention, i had starved myself to death two days in a row. First day i had only DINNER as a meal and today i had no lunch and had my dinner at 8.30pm. 
not to mention, walking back alone after dinner was a challenge with all my heavy bags. (nope, didn't take grab because i used up all the quota so far)

I still can't get over the fact of eating alone in public because of people walking pass and giving you judgemental look like " oh poor girl, she has no friends, she's eating alone." 
or you meet someone you know and they will also think the same. 

That's why i always prefer to just "Dabao" back whenever i had to eat alone or i will go farrrr farrr away or to a secluded eatery place so that no one will care. 
I actually feel much in peace there , eating alone, is not that i am scare of feeling lonely, but i am scare of people JUDGING me. 

okay. i'm done ranting. 
I need to study

well at least the front cover of my book.

XOXO
ANN

Saturday, November 25, 2017

Why Worry?

It's been ages. 
Yes, 
Ages since i write something down here but still, i do not want to delete this precious blog of mine. 
It's a hectic week, the week where you have to shoot your final year project video, do finish your thesis and also hand in your seminar papers by end of the week. 
and i manage to do it while also handling my shop which apparently is moving at such crazy speed, my mind starts to blur in terms of multitasking. 
I'm pretty good at multitasking, this is how i manage my stuff pretty well.
but this week is C-R-A-Z-Y

and i survived!

I want to talk about internship, seeing that this little thing can be such a huge ass worry maker for me. 
Firstly, i get so worried at choosing the right company for me. 
Secondly, i get so worried when my friends got calls and they were selected already, whereas i got no news. 
but yesssshh i got a call to go interview this Tuesday, and i'm excited till the max. Excited, yet, still worry a lot. 

i've been thinking all day and night ever since their first phone call, worrying what if i did not do my best during the interview session, worrying that my mandarin sucks, worrying that i am not good for them, worrying that they can see i'm pretty self conscious about myself all the time. And i know i worry because i WANT this. 

just like how i worry my customers do not like the clothes, and every feedback messages they sent me, my heart keep beating and praying that it will be a good feedback. 

i realise i worry, because i CARE. 


It's going to be a short post,
Please pray for me

XOXO
ANN



Monday, August 7, 2017

Prik Kee Nuu Restaurant: Hidden Thai restaurant in Sik, Kedah

 Thai food is the best. Being born and bred at Kedah, Thai restaurants are seen everywhere around Kedah especially my hometown, Alor Star. I didn't know there are places around Gurun that have Thai restaurants as well and when there's a family gathering at this authentic thai restaurant, i was amazed at how everything reminded me of the chill out bar during my stay at Bangkok. 
I never seen such restaurants in Alor Star as well, so this is worth to review for. 

 Prik Kee Nuu Restaurant is situated in quite a remote area inside Sik, Kedah. I myself wouldn't know this hidden gem if i were to drive pass it without noticing the sign board. It's in this beautiful log house that i would have mistaken it as one of the residential house like their neighbours haha, but i won't expect to see that inside is so beautiful!
 The Inner layout of the restaurant gave me such Thai vibe i immediately love this place as soon as i step in because i am such a big Thailand freak. I was hoping the food will turn out great as well. 

 They even had a stage for musicians to perform while we dine in. Such Thai feel, i remember seeing the same interior at Talad Rot Fai market in Bkk. 

 To add more strong Thai vibe, they even employ singers that perform Thai songs instead. He even had a tips box bag there, you can picture how we roared with applause once he stop and sang a Chinese song instead. 

 No doubt they also took the initiative to make sure every nook and corner looks like we are in Thailand. 




FOOD IN PRIK KEE NUU 



 Steam Fish No 1# we ordered two types of fishes (scroll below to see the second fish). The good thing about their fishes is that everything is really fresh. 

 Their Otak-Otak is also very nice too! not much squid inside as compare to the one in Alor Star but the taste was just nice. Not that spicy as compared to the on in Alor Star so is just nice for my liking. 

 Sweet Sauce Sesame Chicken. Guess that a lot of us dig into this because is quite appetising. This is quite sweet for me , eating one or two will be just nice. 

 Nestum Prawn. 
Sad small portion haha. 

 I had seen papaya salad, Mango salad, tanghoon salad, i never seen CHICKEN FEET SALAD BEFORE. This dish has a lot of ingredients to keep up with your taste bud but seriously i am not a fan for chicken feet. So i passed this dish , you can try it out if you DO eat chicken feet. 

 Sorry for the blur photo, this is steam fish #2. Sweet sour spicy taste which will open your taste bud as soon as you taste it. I prefer this dish than the other steam fish. 

and...They also serve THAI MILK TEA! oh my god! Just tell the boss not to add sugar because it is already very sweet

Location 

25a Kampung Begia
08200 Sik Kedah
Kampung Begia
08200 Sik
Kedah
Malaysia


Opening Time


Monday closed
Tuesday-Sunday: 3pm - 11pm 


XoXo
Ann

Sunday, July 9, 2017

What to expect in Khao Yai


 Hi guys, I'll be blogging about my Khao Yai trip which we took 2 days off our 6 days 5 nights in Bangkok. 


 Our trip started on our 2nd day in Bangkok. It is not advisable to go on the weekend because there a lot of happenings during the weekend in Bangkok, you DON'T want to miss it. Anyway, we chose Khai Yai out of Hua Hin and Pattaya because it is new, and not crowded with tourist and the scenery is really very beautiful. We were so right, i never regret my choice tho. Khao Yai is so peaceful and quiet, not much tourist, everything was just ..US! 
Expectations:
3 hours to reach Pak Chong ( a town near Khao yai) by Public Bus. Beware of scams where the bus will drop you off in the middle of nowhere and another van will come and pick you up demanding a larger sum of fees to get you to your destination. They say Pak Chong is near, you should stay there instead because food is convenient. 

Reality:
it took almost 4 hours to reached Pak Chong, please take a VAN instead, it will save you the hassle and time. There will not be any scams if you go direct to a counter in Mo Chit Bus Station , the price is only 120 baht which is consider very cheap. I must say Pak Chong is NOT NEAR. It took about 30 minutes to our hotel, 40+ minutes if you want to go to PB Valley. Book a hotel around those attractions, food is not important, you can get 7 eleven and really trendy cafe here, the scenery is more important. haha. 


 Our Hotel, Prairie Hills with swimming pool, continental breakfast and strategic location. 
I must say with the price we are paying, everything is just so worth it. It's new, the service girl, although she can't speak english took the effort in helping us find transport to move around the attractions in Khao Yai. We actually conversed by google translating everything she type to us. 


 The View from our room. 
Everything was just so serene, neat , clean and pretty. Right beside our hotel is a theme park called " Scenical World" and right beside us is also another English theme hotel but cost a lot more than our stay. 











Breakfast was limited but everything tastes good. There was this man standing attentively next to all the dishes constantly checking the food. They even gave boxes of cereal instead of you digging your cereals that was placed in a glass jar or something. I was glad to see a few outsiders, but yet, all of them are Thai, we were the only tourist from outstation. 

What to expect: 
The room is god damn spacious! it can fit at least 8-10 people! I think they should get 9.5/10 for their Agoda ratings instead of 8.5.  (0.5 because they can't speak English, it felt like chicken and duck are trying to make sense of each other's language) All the hotels in Khao Yai are like luxury palace, if you ever heard of Thames Valley, you will know burning your money is worth spending the night there. Hotels rate in Khao Yai are cheaper in Bangkok. Always expect a higher price during the weekend and Friday ( don't ask me why). I searched a hotel RM121 and it was RM186 after i clicked Friday. 

We reached Khao Yai around 4/5pm which was really late and out of our schedule. (Never take a bus, just NEVER)
we manage to catch some of these attractions before their closing time. Most of the attractions closes at 6pm (It will be quite dangerous during the night time) 
We went to Palio Village which was just a stone throw away from where we stay. 
Everything was so beautifully constructed here. 



You can actually spend a night here if you want in Palio Inn. 






 There's a few shops selling gifts and souvenirs. A lot of shops are still not opened or maybe because it's a weekday, there's hardly a soul there anyway. We were free to snap all we want without getting bombarded by tourist. 


Palio Village is worth going to. In fact i like it more than Primo Piazza, or maybe because is the weather because we went during the evening, we were not bothered by the heat anyway. I was expecting an entrance fee but nope, it's FREE. There are a lot of places to snap pictures, a lot more beautiful than Primo Piazza. 

 We were suppose to spend our dinner at this super popular high end restaurant called " MIDWINTER GREEN", it's like a games of throne palace with games of throne interiors. But on the way we saw this beautiful lighted up spots and realised is one of the recommended cafes in Khao Yai to go. Seeing that MIDWINTER GREEN will cost us a fortune, we decided to try this cafe out instead since is nearer as well. 

Photo credits to : google. My camera sucks during the night, so i might as well take it from Google. When we were there, there's only us and one couple outside probably celebrating anniversary or something. There's hardly a soul there, but the outside was beautifully lighted up like there's a bonfire party or something. 

 Food is not cheap and the amount is not much but the food was really tasty. 
My plate of spaghetti is about 260 baht (It was RM35 at that rate of time) I don't mind spending but at least i expect a bigger portion? 

Our meal of the day. 
Salmon thin crisp pizza: 180 baht ( can they just called it salmon on potato chips? lol)
Herbs Chicken : 180 baht (this was the only food i felt worth paying)

What to expect:
Small portions of food with high price. Save the money, pay extra and go Midwinter Green okay? at least you get to experience a remarkable atmosphere although i read the reviews their food was so-so but at least you pay to enjoy a high-end dining experience and feel royalty to be able to snap insta-worthy pictures after that. 

 PB Valley is our next stop the next morning. We checked out early and left our bags at the lobby and scooted off to our next attraction. Pb Valley is far but the view on the way there was serene! We spot a lot beautiful hotels and cafe along the way, we even saw this space theme hotel shaped like what we would have seen in any Alien movie. LOL. 

 The weather was hot. 
BURNING hot. We were expecting at least 300 baht for a tour +entrance fee but there was it wasn't a wine season and we see a few tourist inside snapping pictures. So yea, we can actually go into the farm and do a little photoshoot. 





And then we saw this. 
SUNFLOWERS!!!!
Oh my god, i thought we would need to go to a flower farm to see this but in PB Valley, they have it too. 




They even had a bench there, but it was still burning hot. The amount of sweats just to take this picture. 

Here's a few pictures of what we had seen on the way to PB Valley. 
There are other winery farms as well, i would suggest you to go Monte Asoke Valley as well because we drove pass there and it was equally beautiful. 


What to expect:
Burning hot weather. Honestly we don't feel like snapping a lot of pictures because it was just too hot. Picked your season wisely while going Khao Yai, the best season to go is December-January where even Jim Thompson Farm will be opened to visitors. You can see grapes growing at the winery area, but you can see more tourist as well. Anyway, just expect a really hot day. 

 We went to The Bloom next. It is just a stone throw away from PB Valley, you can even walked there if you want to ( obviously not from the heat). The bloom entrance fee is 100 baht but is worth paying. I might say is because this season, everything is so hot and blazing, the plants are not blooming well but they have lots of different types of photo spot for you. If you don't want to get sunburnt, you can choose to pay 200 baht for a package where they use a buggy to fetch you around and you will have free cakes and drinks after that.



I like how tedious their decorations were. Everything was decorated just so you can have a nice photo out after that. Unfortunately it was soooo blazing hot, we can hardly take any nice pictures without looking like a squinted-eye Popeye. 


What to expect:
Hot weather. A big area of different colour plants surrounding you. They have sheep too where you can feed them at the back and their sunflowers are bigger than PB Valley. It's The Bloom anyway, so expect to see a lot of flowers surrounding you .


 Our last stop was Primo Piazza. By that time it was around 2pm already. There's no food there except overpriced coffees and cakes. The weather was again, BLAZING HOT. It is much smaller than Palio Village and it required an entrance fee as well, (100 baht)

With that entrance fee you get to feed the alpaca ! OH MY GAWD, look just how adorable they are. They can't stop eating, and behind them are sheep and donkeys as well. 




Such a happy girl finally getting away from the sun and get to feed alpacas. 

So here's an alpaca picture for you. Not really well kept but hey, it's still an alpaca! I never seen one before haha. 

'

I never get to snap alot of their buildings so here's a picture taken from their official website just so you know how it looks like tho. Credits to them

What to expect:
No food, most of the shops are closed ( i was looking for their ice cream shop, but nobody seem to be operating it and it's a weekend by that day) Their buildings are beautiful and well constructed, Palio Village was nicer tho. 

So that's it, after that we head back and took our luggages and went back to Bangkok. There are more things to see in Khao Yai but because we wasted our first day on the public bus *eyes rolling* there are a cafe not to miss, it's on the way to Primo Piazza from Pb Valley and it's call "THE BIRDERS" LODGE" i never seen so many people in there ever since i step foot in Khao Yai. That place is really beautiful  but because we were running out of time, we just manage to drive pass that area. 
Maybe next time i should go to Khao Yai National Park as well, is for the nature lover and for those who seeks for adventure. 

There is utterly NO convenient transportations to take you around once you reached Khao Yai. ALWAYS rent a tour/ driver/ car to get to Khao Yai. Even if you hear people saying you can rent a motorbike once you reached Pak Chong, who's gonna carry all the luggages for you while you ride the bike? Nope, still is advisable to rent in BANGKOK. 
* if you need to rent a car, always make sure you have a credit card. ALL car rental companies hold your credit card amount as deposits in case you run off with their car or drove their car down the waterfall. LOL*

I wish to go back here again , is a relaxing area away from the bustling crowded Bangkok. 
Hopefully

xoxo
Ann